Sunday, May 24, 2015

First Experience


Bizarro is a more than just a genre. It is often a group of people that can be labeled as a family. And like being a family, we don't choose who our bizarro brothers and sisters are. Unlike a family however, we haven't always been bizarros. We had to come from somewhere. So where did you come from? How did you get here? What was your first bizarro experience and why did you stick around? If you would like to tell us how you came to be, answer in the comments section. As for me:

I'm in the Air Force. Oklahoma City. 0730 hours. Ready for PT. Physical Training. Sun still low in the sky. I'm talking to Airman SomeDumbFuck and from ten feet behind me I hear, "...a labotomized torso. And he fucks her. Then he fucks all the other torsos once a month. He gets them pregnant, and every month there is a new baby. "

"Wait a second. What's this?" Is my piqued interest response. I knew that this kind of thing is the push that literature needed.

"Edward Lee," replies my NCOIC (Non-Commissioned Officer In Charge.)

"I have to read this," I'm sure I blurted this way too enthusiastically. I hadn't really noticed yet, but before I even arrived, the group surrounding the NCOIC was disgusted. Distraught even. The shock factor was what the NCOIC had in mind. The looks I got after my enthusiastic response were priceless.

Soon, smoke breaks with the NCOIC transform from Evaluation Performance Reports to tales and reviews of extreme horror (I prefer the term "splatterpunk") and the bizarre. We make new stories and story ideas as we in- and exhale. Weave new webs of malice and mayhem and what-ifs. Oh, the what-ifs... My mind, nay, my life, changed forever. For the better? Probably not.

I am forever indebted should forever shun this evil man that has perverted my mind with baby Jesuses that thrive inside assholes, people with fishbowls (including the fish) for heads, strippers that strip off their skin, clowns that give away coupons to fighters, vaginas that are haunted. It's all in there. I can never get it out. And that makes me happy.

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