Saturday, January 9, 2016
Bizarro Trading Cards
Box of Bizarro is proud to present the world's first (to our knowledge) Bizarro Trading Cards. The cards should be available for purchase next week as single cards, multiple cards, and full sets. The set includes author cards, book cards, and more. The back of the author cards include stats, the book cards include fun facts that you may not know. Collect your favorites or the entire set.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Six Fantastic Facts from a Cat and Then You Die by GJ Hart
1) Predictable really. Think we both knew it was coming. Suppose I could've done things differently. Hate the sight of blood. I'd like to say you look surprised, but from where I'm sitting, your looking days are done.
2) I kept the secrets, Jake. The acclaimed atheist, on his knees; the tarot cards and supplication. And when you crashed, I bailed. Emotional embezzlement, Jake. Never thought I'd come to hate you, but I have.
3) I need order, Jake. I need coherent systems. I need to eat EVERY FUCKING DAY. You get in, crack one open and don't quit glugging till the voices start. All the while, I'm thinking: any minute now, any minute now. But there ain't nothing coming, JAKE. Just you, curled up, crying like a fucking baby.
4) When you asked, I heeded. I carried it to the window and made it disappear. But you, what did you do? A bit of rough and tumble in the old country and we're off. Sixteen hours in a car boot 'cos you can't front things up. You're a coward, Jake, and if there's one thing I can't stomach, it's a fucking coward.
5) No amount of advice is gonna tidy this up, but I'll say this: if someone wants tuna, don't give 'em cheese, give 'em fucking tuna! Luckily I've got options. Might scoot over to Mrs. Disrelli's. She's more fun now Geoff's dead. Good riddance, I say. Hated that parrot. But she's kind, Jake. She gets me. Plus, I don't have to listen to Bob Dylan all fucking weekend.
6) Don't believe those Swedish crime shows, Jake. Most of the time, they don't even investigate, just file it and forget it. And when they do, you think they get it right? You think we let 'em? You think Senebkay was killed in battle? You think Pentaware pulled that knife? You think they bowed before Bastet because we tore a few scorpions apart? It was fear, Jake, pure fear. Difference being, they could keep their mouths shut. Not like you lot. Believe me, if you weren't in such bad shape, I wouldn't be telling you. But you look fucked, so I'm thinking it's ok.
2) I kept the secrets, Jake. The acclaimed atheist, on his knees; the tarot cards and supplication. And when you crashed, I bailed. Emotional embezzlement, Jake. Never thought I'd come to hate you, but I have.
3) I need order, Jake. I need coherent systems. I need to eat EVERY FUCKING DAY. You get in, crack one open and don't quit glugging till the voices start. All the while, I'm thinking: any minute now, any minute now. But there ain't nothing coming, JAKE. Just you, curled up, crying like a fucking baby.
4) When you asked, I heeded. I carried it to the window and made it disappear. But you, what did you do? A bit of rough and tumble in the old country and we're off. Sixteen hours in a car boot 'cos you can't front things up. You're a coward, Jake, and if there's one thing I can't stomach, it's a fucking coward.
5) No amount of advice is gonna tidy this up, but I'll say this: if someone wants tuna, don't give 'em cheese, give 'em fucking tuna! Luckily I've got options. Might scoot over to Mrs. Disrelli's. She's more fun now Geoff's dead. Good riddance, I say. Hated that parrot. But she's kind, Jake. She gets me. Plus, I don't have to listen to Bob Dylan all fucking weekend.
6) Don't believe those Swedish crime shows, Jake. Most of the time, they don't even investigate, just file it and forget it. And when they do, you think they get it right? You think we let 'em? You think Senebkay was killed in battle? You think Pentaware pulled that knife? You think they bowed before Bastet because we tore a few scorpions apart? It was fear, Jake, pure fear. Difference being, they could keep their mouths shut. Not like you lot. Believe me, if you weren't in such bad shape, I wouldn't be telling you. But you look fucked, so I'm thinking it's ok.
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