Rhonda sat at the kitchen table, sipping her coffee. Her son came rushing in, clenching his iPad with an excited grin.
“Mommy! Mommy! The next big thing is out!”
“Again? Didn’t I buy you that thing last week?”
“No, mommy! This is the next next big thing! Look!” He turned the iPad around and showed her a picture. “See? Isn’t it awesome?! Everyone will have one!”
“Oh, Danny… It looks nice, but…”
“But? I have to have it too, mommy! Please!”
She sighed. “Well, how much is it?”
Danny shrugged.
She shook her head and finished her coffee. “Bring me my-”
He whipped out her cell phone and shook it in her face. She took it from him and dialed the local department store. It rang for over an hour as her son impatiently bounced around the kitchen. Finally, an annoyed-sounding girl picked up.
“What?” the girl groaned.
“Hi there! I was wondering if you had the next big thing in stock?”
“Yep.”
“Oh, good! And how much is it?”
“Dunno.”
“Oh. Uh, would you check?”
“Would you kiss my ass?” the line went dead.
Rhonda’s eyes widened. She sat motionless, stunned by the girl’s rudeness. Danny trembled excitedly in front of her, drool dripping from his maniacal smile.
“Mommy?”
His voice broke her from her daze. She arched her eyebrows and squinted at the phone as she slowly lowered it from her ear.
“Get your shoes on, Danny,” she said. “We’re going to the store.”
He squealed, reached in his pockets and threw confetti all over, then disappeared with the sound of a bullet. Before the dust had cleared, he was already back, shoes on and his mother’s car keys in hand. He pulled back and chucked the keys in her face. She opened her hand, the keys rolled down her face, dropped in her palm along with a couple teeth.
The car screeched from the driveway, taking out their mailbox, and barreled down the road.
***
Rhonda and Danny entered the department store. Danny was clenching her hand, hopping up and down.
“Next big thing! Next big thing!” he chanted, before puking from excitement.
A greeter noticed them and smiled. “Welcome to-”
“Manager.” Her eyelid twitched. “Now.”
The greeter backed away slowly and pulled out his walkie-talkie. “Uh, Ms. Manager to the front please.”
Rhonda tapped her foot and peered around the store, angrily eyeballing every cashier. After a moment, a nicely-dressed woman approached with a security guard by her side. The greeter pointed to the mother and son with fear on his face.
“How can I help you, ma’am?” Ms. Manager asked with a fake smile.
Rhonda stepped forward, face to face with the manager, looked her up and down, then stared her in the eyes with rage. “I called earlier. Any idea why one of your employees told me to kiss their ass?”
The manager squinted and thought for a moment. “I think I know exactly who that was.” She turned to her security. “Carl, grab the vacuum and meet us in the electronics department.” She looked back at Rhonda. “Follow me.”
***
Rhonda and Danny followed the manager to electronics. Ms. Manager stepped up to the counter where a bored girl was sitting, smacking on gum and chatting with a friend on the phone. The manager crossed her arms and glared. The girl looked up with a raised eyebrow and sighed.
“I’m gonna have to call you back.” She hung up the phone and blew a gum bubble. “What?”
Ms. Manager turned to Rhonda. “Was this the voice you heard on the phone?”
“Yep.” Rhonda replied with a scowl.
Now they were both glaring at the girl. Danny continued hopping and chanting, completely oblivious to the tension.
“Another complaint, Madison.” Ms. Manager placed her palms on the counter, breathing heavily.
The girl looked over at Rhonda and rolled her eyes. Then squinted at the manager.
“Then fire me. I told you I don’t want to work here, mom.” She blew another gum bubble and tucked it back in her mouth. “Maybe you don’t mind being the man’s bitch. But I do. It’s humiliating.”
“So you tell a customer to kiss your ass?”
“Damn straight. I’m not sucking up to these rich assholes and their spoiled brats anymore. One more fucking call about that god damn next big thing and I swear-”
“Swear what?” Ms. Manager looked her in the eyes. “Your pupils are dilated again, Madison.”
“Uh-huh.” Madison smirked. “I’m high as a fucking kite.” She blew a gum bubble.
The manager quickly reached up and grabbed hold of the gum and yanked it back, slamming Madison’s face in to the counter with a thud. She placed her hand firmly on the back of the girl’s head as her body flailed around. Rhonda and Danny were both startled.
“Mom! Stop it! What the fuck are you doing?!” she screamed.
“I know what you’ve been doing, Madison!”
Carl, the security guard, showed up, gripping an old fashioned vacuum with a small black tube attached.
“For fuck’s sake, mom! Let me go!”
“Get behind her, Carl.” The manager demanded, pressing down harder on Madison’s head.
He nodded and did as he was told.
“What are they doing, mommy?!” Danny began crying.
Rhonda cleared her throat. “Ma’am! This really isn’t necessary! I was just-”
“Shut it, lady!” She shot a look of rage their way. “I’ve been dealing with this shit for far too long. Pull down her pants, Carl.”
“Mom, no! Please! You know you can’t-” The girl pleaded.
The manager bent down to her daughter’s ear. “I know you’ve been doing butt drugs. We’re gonna suck that shit right out.”
By now, all the customers and staff had taken notice of the commotion and had gathered around in horror. Carl looked down at Madison’s jeans, then back up at the manager. His eyes were asking if she was sure she wanted to do this.
“Mom! You can’t just suck it out! My body won’t be able to handle it! You know that!”
“You should of thought of that before you came in to work high. Do it, Carl.”
Rhonda covered her son’s eyes. Carl gulped as he sat the vacuum down and tightly gripped the hose in one hand. He yanked down the girl’s pants, revealing her quivering asshole. Everyone gasped.
“Aaaaagh!” The girl screamed as he fed the tube up her ass. “Please! Don’t fucking do this!”
He waited a second, giving the girl’s mother one last chance to reconsider. She didn’t. He shrugged, bent down and hit the switch on the vacuum. It let out an airy sucking noise. Ms. Manager pressed down on the struggling girl’s head even harder to keep her place. The airy noise quickly became wet, sounding like a someone snorting through a snotty nose. The girl’s screams became silent gags and her eyes opened wide. She dug her nails dug in to her mother’s arms, but Ms. Manager was unfazed.
“Just a few more seconds, honey.” The manager whispered. “Almost there.”
Madison’s eyes rolled back and bubbly white puke leaked from her mouth. The vacuum noise became muffled and the engine started rumbling.
“That’s it, Carl! Pull it out!”
Carl yanked the tube out of the girl’s ass, gallons of dark red blood spewed from her anus. Ms. Manager released her daughter’s head. The girl stayed slumped across the counter, quivering and shitting blood.
“Lets see it.” The manager commanded.
Carl raised the sucking tube. A round golden ball was stuck to the end, dripping red sludge. He shut off the vacuum and the ball dropped into his hand. He rolled it across the counter to the manager. She picked it up and inspected it. The girl’s body slid off the counter and hit the floor in a puddle of her insides. She convulsed for a few more seconds, then went still.
After the event was clearly over, all the customers and staff lost interest and went back to their business. The manager motioned for Carl to leave, dropped the gold ball in the trash, then turned to Rhonda and Danny. Now that the girl’s body was hidden by the counter, Rhonda uncovered her son’s eyes.
“Now then,” the manager smiled at Danny to calm him then looked up at his mother. “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience. The problem has been rectified. We try to provide the best customer service here at your local department store.”
Rhonda wiped a tear from her face. “Uh, right… Thank you?”
“So, lets go get you that next big thing,” she smiled at Danny again. “Free of charge, of course.”
Danny threw his hands in the air. “Hooray!”
“Thank you.” Rhonda smiled.
