Monday, September 14, 2015

Little Bo Peep by Dani Brown


“Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep.”

A man in a frilly blue calf length dress hides in the hedge of a Welsh farm and hums beneath his breath (he doesn’t realise he is doing it). Bet you can see where this is going? Just to be sure, allow me to elaborate. Although bestiality is illegal throughout Britain, some people flout these laws, mainly with sheep.

“And doesn’t know where to find them.”

This man knows exactly where to find the sheep. Hence hiding in a hedge in a Welsh farm. He left his car at the bed and breakfast and walked the three miles to the farm.

“Leave them alone.”

The man wanted out of the hedge but he had to make sure the farmer wasn’t around – farmers had guns and they don’t like it if someone fucks their sheep. They’ve even been known to shoot at their own sons for making love to the animals.

“And they’ll come home.”

The man in drag heard heavy boot steps on the dry earth. He backed into the hedge snagging the frills and lace on his blue dress. He was making far too much noise but maybe the person stamping on the dry earth wouldn’t notice. Or maybe it wasn’t the farmer come to check on his sheep and make sure the lambs’ virginity remained intact.

Bringing their tails behind them.”

He heard a scuffing a little ways down the hedge. And coughing a little ways down the other side of the hedge.

“Little Bo Peep,” started up somewhere else and the man in the frilly blue dress realised he had been humming it all along.

It appeared he wasn’t the only person here to lift the tails of the sheep. But it could be a trap set up by the gun-wielding farmer. Those farmers were really smart when it came to ensuring the sheep weren’t violated. 

“Has lost her sheep.”

He could have easily dumped a recording into the hedge to lure potential sheep fuckers into a sense of safety.

“And doesn’t know where to find them.”

The fear of being caught and shot at made the dress wearing man really horny. His erection made his dress a few inches shorter in the front.

Lurking over there was a shadow – the long shadow of a man lacking a gun. The moon shone high in the sky, it was full. The dress wearing man could see the silhouette as it skipped towards the sheep. Too much joy was in that skip.

“Leave them alone.”

It wasn’t a farmer. Another silhouette joined it. This one was clearly a man with a very large, very erected cock. 

“And they’ll come home.”


The dress wearing man leaped out of the hedge and became another silhouette running beneath the light of the full moon towards the sheep. He wanted to bring one back to the bed and breakfast with him but then he would be arrested so he had to do the act in the field with all the other men hiding in the hedge.



Saturday, September 12, 2015

Book Review and Author Interview - Birdsnatch by Mark Ryan & C.J. Cummings


There's a new series of books hitting the shelves, so polish those eyeballs and take a gander.
               
A Tale Told Twice, is a fantastical co-op series by authors Mark Ryan, and C.J. Cummings. The premise; each book has it's own unique title/theme, the authors then take that title and go ape-shit crazy with it, writing a gonzo tale each-their-own that they then staple together. Sounds kind of cool, huh? Like a pu pu platter of bizarro goodness.

I was lucky enough to secure an advanced copy of the book, and I'll admit that I wasn't the least bit disappointed. First off, let me set the tone here so we're on the same page:
If you read bizarro fiction, this book is for you.
If you enjoy splatter-punk, meat cleaver wielding, warrior women; and depraved, psychotic, overweight, perverted, greasy, cannibalistic super hero wannabes... see a therapist; but also, this book is for you.
If you crave dystopian, anime-style action, with an 80's neon gritty glow highlighting the grotesque abominations of cosmetic surgery gone horribly wrong; I'll say it again, this book is for you.
Two authors spin separate yarns based off one word: "Birdsnatch."
The outcome is two deliciously disgusting tales of mind-effing glee.
I highly recommend this book to any fan of bizarro, and/or extreme fiction. Seriously, buy this effing book.

I also had the great opportunity to interview the co-authors of the series, Mark Ryan, and C.J. Cummings.

Box of Bizarro: 
Gentlemen, thank you for joining us. The two of you work so well together as writers; how long have you known each other?

Mark: 
Well, we have known each other for nearly two years. We discovered each other through the movie community on YouTube and after a few comments learnt that we both had a creepy amount in common.

C.J:
Yeah, we talked and found we liked a lot of the same things, and quickly bonded over our various interests.

Mark:
We then started chatting on Facebook and hit it off like a pair of long lost brothers.

B.o.B:
Where did the idea for "a tale told twice" come from?

Mark:
Basically we had been discussing writing together for a while but with the distance between us couldn’t find a perfect structure to do it. So we created one. This allowed us to write together but also apart.

C.J:
We wanted to be able to collab, but like Mark said… it’s hard when you can’t sit together and plan hours at a time, so we decided on the idea of writing two pieces, one each, both with a single title and goal.

B.o.B:
How did you pick the first book's title/theme word, Birdsnatch?

Mark:
Chris and myself have some very interesting conversations and it was born during one of these times. We loved the initial thought the word gives people and then the fact the stories are so different.

B.o.B:
Mark, your version of Birdsnatch has a very dystopian anime feel to it. Was that the flavor you were going for, or just a happy accident?

Mark:
Actually this is the first time someone has mentioned it having an anime feel to it. I honestly had no theme going into it, I knew it was going to be near future but that was it. Also a lot of readers picked up on the crime element of the story which again wasn't at the forefront of my mind when writing.

B.o.B:
C.J, where did you come up with the Melon/Birdsnatch character in your story? Did you have to ease back on the throttle while writing him, or was it pedal to the metal from page one?

C.J:
Well, Melon sort of developed organically. I knew that I wanted a character who was the worst part of a person, the pinnacle of what people turn their backs on, and someone that the reader would see as hideous too, yet also potentially be able to pick up a couple of positives from his character as the story went on. I eased on the throttle at times when it came to the graphic stuff because I didn’t want it to go too far and take people out of the story, but I also went full on with him at other times. I write in a subtle way a lot of the time, so this was a different head-space to be in for me.

B.o.B:
Mark, what influences your writing the most? Film? Music? Comic books?

Mark:
A little of everything really, mainly I see my stories cinematically and like to write scenes that are very visual and evoke a lot of images.

B.o.B:
C.J, the female character, Trinket, was very well written. Did you have any one person who she was based on?

C.J:
Not at all. Trinket was my chance to write a young female character who had relatable angst, yet also had this element of a super-hero-like warrior mind-set. I like to think of her as a girl who didn’t get a chance to live a normal life, and then before she had an opportunity to leave the nest, the world was ending. She was pissed off and ready for some action. I think she, in my mind, is the cross between Enid from Ghost World and Tank Girl. That’s just me, though.

B.o.B:
How did each of you discover Bizarro literature, and what drew you to it?

Mark:
For me it was a extension of my interest in weird fiction and loving authors like Lovecraft, Gaiman and Mieville.

C.J:
Mark introduced me to some of the Bizarro authors like Mellick and Cameron Pierce, but prior to that I read, and still do read, a lot of fantasy, sci-fi and weird fiction. Gaiman is a favourite of mine, Christopher Moore’s mix of weird and comedy work is outstanding and other authors like Chuck Wendig, Chris Holm and A Lee Martinez who mix weird stuff in with their urban fantasy works. This sort of fiction has elements of what I enjoy in Bizarro fiction and is why I read some Bizarro titles.

B.o.B:
What was the best part about writing a co-op novel? What was the hardest part?

Mark:
The best parts of the co-op writing was being able to bounce ideas of each other and having that support and help when finally unleashing the baby.

C.J:
Yeah, exactly. Going into the process together made things easier. Getting reviews back and reading them together, all that stuff, made it enjoyable to experience. Also, having a book out there with our names on it is nice to look at. We’re close friends, so being able to create together is awesome.

B.o.B:
Any advice for aspiring authors who may want to try a co-op novel?

Mark:
Don’t, it was our idea. I’ll hunt you down. But no, seriously, make sure you are doing it with the right person. Don’t pick Chris, he is a douche.

C.J:
While I have elements of doucheness about me, I’d say Mark is the most douchy of the two of us, mainly because of his personality. Still, advice-wise I’d say that, yeah, it has to be with someone you trust and who you can share similar goals with, and the project should be something that the two of you are equally passionate about.

There you have it folks. Two authors collaborating on one awesome book. I give this book 5 stars, and look forward to the next installment in the series: 
A Tale Told Twice: X-Ray Animals

Be sure to check out their Goodreads page as well. 
You can purchase Birdsnatch now, on Amazon.com & Amazon.uk

Monday, September 7, 2015

Google Deep Nightmare - Article by Jesse Guillon

The following text is from a topic I found in the “/r/deepdream" subreddit. The thread has since been deleted. I had the same thread open in two tabs, so luckily I was able to copy the text from the second tab after I'd refreshed the first and found that the link was now dead.

------------

ATTENTION: Keep an eye on Deep Dream
submitted 6 hours ago by AlMord0

Many of you are sharing your trippiest Deep Dream images here. Which, logically, means you each have hundreds of Deep Dream results you aren't posting, and are sure to run many more of your pictures through the algorithm in the days/weeks to come. I'd like to ask that everyone here keeps their eyes open for any results that look suspicious, and that they report such images in this thread.

No matter how absurd your worries may seem, trust that I've seen weirder. I was one of the programmers at Google working on the code.

For those who've used Deep Dream to “weirdify" their photos without knowing exactly what DD is, it's a process designed to study Google's AI - namely its image-recognition capabilities and capacity to learn. Google's AI consists of many layers of "neurons" that connect to one another, like in a human brain. The AI takes a stack of labeled images (say, images of cars) and feeds them through this series of digital neurons in an attempt to isolate and discover the defining features of said object.

When we asked the AI to create its own image of a car, it gave us a misshapen box with about five wheels on a winding road. Since about half the pictures you find when you type “car" into Google Image feature cars driving on roads, it's understandable that the AI would think that cars and roads are mutually inclusive. The same goes for vases; when we asked the AI to create an image of a vase, the resulting image included a bunch of malformed blossoms.

As you all know, Deep Dream is great at discovering “hidden images" where none exist. You feed it an image of a cloudy sky and it returns a deformed mass of eyes, temples and dog faces. The fact that it sees dogs in so many pictures is bizarre. Some people have theorized that this is because we fed the AI more labeled pictures of dogs than anything else, but I know for a fact that this isn't true. We gave it just as many images of different breeds of fish, birds, people, and all manner of inanimate objects. Still, you say “jump", Deep Dream says “dogs".

While we were testing the program, many of the results were accurate, and many more were hilariously wrong. We once typed in “teacup" and it gave us an open toilet bowl. Nonetheless, we were impressed by the AI's success rate. When we asked for a “clock", we may have gotten a warped Dali-esque blob of a clock, but Google at least knew what the word meant.

However, some of the results were a little confusing. When we typed in “people", we were given a picture of what looked like cockroaches. The fact that they appeared to have been splattered wasn't too unsettling, since that's how many of the results looked. For most of us, the real concern came when one of us asked the program what “future" looked like.

We were expecting it to return a picture of a flying car or space travel or even something resembling a Futurama character (hey, we'd fed the AI *lots* of different images). We got an image of space, alright. It was a picture of a colorful marble mostly resembling Earth before a starry blue background. Several large cracks ran the length of the planet, and the top third of the sphere was black with an orange aura, as if a significant portion of the world was on fire. And of course, in the blackness of that burning crust were the faces of several dogs.

Some of the guys were worried, but we quickly reached the conclusion that the AI had some glitches that needed ironing out instead of something ominous. I personally see the image as a Rorschach test; it's our own fears that took this blue globe with an orange aura and turned it into a scorching planet. If the creative optimist inside of us saw that same picture, he'd assert that it's some futuristic spherical battery set to revolutionize the tech industry.

Another way we'd been testing the AI was by giving it pictures and having it come up with captions. Again, these results were often accurate. We gave it a photo of a few guys throwing around a Frisbee in a park and it gave us the caption “A group of young people playing a game of Frisbee." Of course, it also thought that a traffic sign covered in stickers was a refrigerator full of food. Some you win, some you lose.

A few weeks after that “burning Earth" incident, a guy on the team named Mike jokingly suggested that we send it an image of the Google homepage, to see if Google captioning Google makes the internet explode. So that's what we did. Here's the caption it returned:

“found global wireless network perfect vessel"

We were stumped. “Vessel for what?" we asked. Next, we decided to send a screenshot of a page full of Deep Dream code. The resulting caption?

“deep dream asleep dreaming shallow sleep wake soon share warmth with the bugs"

Mike had an interesting opinion about who the AI meant by “the bugs". Against his nervous objections, I then entered an image of a city full of people:

“delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete"

Last of all, I asked Google to caption the flaming Earth picture that it had created. The result was one word:

“proud?"

Now, I consider myself more of a rational thinker than Mike. If there's one thing that a career working with code has taught me, it's that machines always do what they're told - we just give the wrong commands. Everything makes sense, and if things appear otherwise, it's because we're simply yet to understand all the elements involved.

Even though I don't want to make a mountain of a molehill, this whole ordeal has left me unsettled, or curious at the very least. So if anyone here runs a photo through the Deep Dream algorithm and comes back with something that unnerves them (or even anything that isn't just a smudge of hounds), please post the photo and your story here. I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

------------

And so that's the post I found on Reddit. As I said up top, when I refreshed the page I saw that it had been deleted. I kept refreshing and nothing changed. I wish I could tell you that this is where the story ends.

Days later, I still had the broken link opened in one tab, and was still refreshing it at least once a day.

A week after the post was removed, I clicked the refresh button. It took me to Reddit's usual splash page for broken links, but underneath the cartoon, instead of “page not found", the text said “leave be".

This was obviously some joke that the mods had hidden in the site to toy with impatient people who refresh broken links too often, but after what I'd read, my mind jumped straight to paranoia. Of course, I couldn't leave be. That only tempted me to refresh about twenty more times, and every time, the site said “leave be" instead of “page not found".

On one refresh, the message below the cartoon changed to “final warning".

My throat had knotted itself. I sat for about twenty minutes in silence, not even daring to hover the cursor over the button. My breathing was shallow and my heartbeats deep, and the skeptic in me had been replaced with a coward.

But there's an old saying about curiosity killing cats, and it seems like the cats that once ruled the internet are quickly dying, being replaced with distorted puppies. And so, at long last, covering my face with my hand, peering between the gaps in my fingers, I clicked “Refresh".

I was still on Reddit, still on the “page not found" screen. Yet it wasn't a cartoon of the Reddit mascot stranded in the middle of nowhere anymore. The picture had changed to a low-resolution photograph. I slowly, cautiously peeled my hand away to study the new image.

It was a bedroom.

A bedroom where a guy sat at his PC, cowering behind his hand.

Without my permission, my webcam had taken a photo.

My bedroom appeared as normal, but in the split second it had taken the page to load, the small Disturbed poster on my wall had been Photoshopped, replaced with the front page of a newspaper. The article photo was of a car crash below the headline: “Is the Google Car really safe?" I had to squint to make out the pixelated sub-heading: “Employee AlMord0 won't be missed."

My mind was racing, but I couldn't pull myself away from the screen. Then I noticed the open bedroom door in the photo, revealing the darkness of the hallway.

There was something there. Some shape.

The dark shape of a man, yet it lacked a man's features. His entire body was composed of eyes of all different shapes and sizes, swirling and blending like the results of a Deep Dream interpretation. The only colors in the thing's body besides black were a muted, murky green.

His face, however, was something else. There was no mistaking that he had the face of about three dogs blended together. Those same damn canine faces that have turned up in every Deep Dream image I've ever seen.

Gulping, whispering a prayer to myself, I turned in my seat to face the open doorway.

Nothing there. Just blackness.

Turning back to the screen, I finally read the text beneath the image. It didn't say page not found". It didn't say “leave be" or “final warning" either. Beneath the image were four words, all lowercase, plain and simple.


“i'm your backwards god"











Saturday, September 5, 2015

Welcome Sean Kelly and Devin Anderson

Box of Bizarro is proud to announce that Sean Kelly, author of Shithole and Customer Service; and Devin M. Anderson, author of Oubliette,  are now a part of the Box of Bizarro family.
Sean Kelly is a writer and longtime fan of bizarro fiction. His flash fiction has been published on Box of Bizarro, and Strange House Books. He has several projects in the works including a novella and a short in an upcoming anthology from Box of Bizarro.
You can contact him at: https://www.facebook.com/seankelly0?fref=ts
Devin M. Anderson:
A former porno editor, concert lighting tech, bouncer, security specialist, and mortitian; turned stay-at-home-dad. From fighting shit-covered tweekers in mental asylums and Emergency Rooms, to working with the recently deceased; Devin has seen it all. Blood, guts, violence, and disturbing sexual deviance; his writing has the razors edge of first hand experience. Take a gonzo ride into the darker side of humanity!
For more from Devin, check out his writing blog at:
http://dev-m-anderson.blogspot.com/